!Empower!

Hey hey hey smile everyday!

What's crackin everyone. So i guess everything has kinda changed a bit my life, more or less its been flipped upside down from all my expectations just in the past 3 weeks, but i guess that would be life exemplified in the best way, in all of its euphorias, serendipitous spontanaiety, lows, highs, and the potpourri of specific instances, memorable moments, and seemingly mundane moments that make up the complex uniqueness of the individual human experience.

Today, while packing up my things from Germainder getting ready for the move back to the bay, I got a call from my sister, telling me that I needed to get on the next plane home, cause my dad needed an emergency procedure to stop internal bleeding in his liver probably caused by the tumors, and that it was a procedure that had many risks. Then one of "Those" moments happened. A moment when one single act is set into to motion that rocks you and sends everything that was just normal a second ago just goes into a tailspin, yet there's an eerie stillness because you are the only thing being rocked while everything else is still as it was a minute ago. you need a couple minutes to regroup, but in those moments when you regroup, you truly reorganize whats important in your life, and in a sense everything is clarified and simplified. And those moments may seem like whirling chaos, but i feel like its just your soul doing a quick assessment of everything in your life and its priorities, and there was only one thing my soul needed, to get on the next plane and see my family.

After Kenny boy took me to the airport, I called my sister and she told me that they had taken my dad by ambulance to another hospital and that i probably wouldn't be able to speak to him everything just started racing in my head. everything that I wanted to say to him, everything i wanted to thank him, everything that i needed for pops to know, the last time i spoke to him, and how i wouldn't be able to forgive myself since i went back to irvine and something happened to him. It's an overwhelming feeling and it gives you those reality checks where you really really really can look at yourself from outside of yourself, and give yourself an honest opinion of in my case: was i a good enough son?

When I got into Oakland, and waiting on the curb, I just felt this helplessness to the news that might await with no control in my hands, but what can you do, but keepin it moving. When Mario picked me up we drove straight to the hospital and I entered into this tiny meditation room, that probably wouldn't be able to fit two full size beds in it, but there was my family, my aunts, my cousins, praying the rosary with every bit of their heart, crammed in that small space, but none the less all together in a show of support. I remember praying and hearing my mom and sister crying but fighting through it to pray, and seeing the emotion and resolve of my cousins compassion for my dad was crazy. At one point we got 23 people in that tiny room fitting in any which way as we held out our faith together awaiting news. Later my cousin Jessica came in and said, "the procedure was a success!", and my mom, sis, cousins, and aunts started sobbing in joy, and that realization of having another chance to impact my dad's life and really share with him everything i needed to share, and just being able to see him again, had me just like my aunts, my cousins, my mom, and my sister.

I couldn't explain the relief and thankfulness i felt when we caught my dad in the hall when they were transporting him and i was just able to hold his hand and tell him I loved him. It's crazy how life works once again. I can remember back to the exact night i found out dad had liver cancer and how crushed i was and how much shock i was in thinking where the hell do i go from here. But in this day, I'm overjoyed that Dad could get through an emergency procedure that in the big picture, was winning a small battle, but in the even bigger picture, it gave me another chance, it gives me a chance for more, hours, days, months, and if somehow years, it gives a chance for a miracle to happen, it gives me a chance to say goodbye, it gives me a chance to say another hello, it gives me another chance to learn even more from my dad, it gives me a chance to examine myself further, it gives me a chance to connect and build even stronger bonds with all of my family, but most of all it gives me hope, and in the end that's all i can ask for...