Making it on your own.
A dream I think we all set for ourselves.
We embrace the very vision of complete independance, and the ability to become "successful" in our own eyes, whatever the definition of that maybe.
This past week has shown me just exactly the difficulty of that, but not without showing me that faint flickering of an ignited wick in the distance. Some days it glows brighter, some days, you don't even see it, but just have faith that it's there.
It's time for me to put my money where my mouth is.
I'm up against a set of circumstances right now, that if I explained to my mom, would be the perfect opportunity for her to say, "Stop wasting your time right now, come home, your Dad would be so sad right now if he saw how you were living, you don't even have enough money to live properly, and you can at least give me company here som I'm not all by myself."
It's tough, feeling the guilt I already do, for leaving Mom at home on her own, but all along I've had this vision of reaching my definition of "success" while being able to appease her definition as well, to ease my conscience maybe just a bit. But working in production right now at Roadtrip, I am technically an intern at the moment, and that compensates you anything but enough to "make it on your own". I found out my wage today, and it's actually not even enough to get by living with a rent of 110$, eat, and take care of my bare necessities, so sacrifices to my lifestyle must be made. Of course the knowledge, the profound mission of roadtrip, the fulfillment, is not only my light, but my life's aim, so I need to just suck it up.
I just constantly feel like sometimes I move farther back to where I started before, but I gotta lay my faith in knowing that the hardships are the investments for the rise to come. It's tough cause everything else loses a bit of balance, and in pursuit of your dreams, you have to sacrifice certain things, and I guess for me right now it's dealing with that tough realization that's jabbing at me.
I guess this is the time in life where my hardships will define me, do i fold up and listen to some tell me how much I'm not making it, or I can put my head down grind, fall in love with the commitment of the end goal I'm working towards, and in the meantime live more humbly than I ever have had to in my life. At least there's still music to make, basketball to play, and a roof to live under. The Beautiful Struggle makes more sense than ever to me now.
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1 comments:
ur perspective on family and the direction to go in life is pretty much what i'm feeling right now. thanks
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