!Empower!

It's surreal to think that it's been a year to the day since Dad had to take off to finish more important work.

The familiarity of him, and the sense of still missing him continues to make it feel like it might as well have been last week. As a good friend once told me, when a loved one passes you feel them closer than ever to you as they become a part of your everyday conscious, and become a reference point in your life.

I wasn't sure about posting this, and was thinking about leaving it for my own thoughts, but out of respect in how much Pop meant to so many people, and had a profound affect on folks, It's my duty to him.

The one thing that continues to keep me in awe about this whole situation is how much you learn about a loved one posthumously. It's like once they pass, the floodgates of everyone's private admirations pour out, and in their efforts to offer us condolences they opened up unknowingly revealed so many sides to Dad that I never saw, since I had him built up too much on the identity of being a father figure. I started to see what he would be like as my peer, and related to him on another level i honestly didn't think it was possible, only now I couldn't relay it to him.

It kind of comes to that point of when you hear people say treasure what you have and love your loved ones cause you never know when they'll be gone, and as cliche as it sounds, it's the DAMN truth. I can honestly say for every time you argue with a loved one, and you feel that pride raising up, and you don't wanna give an inch, cause it's so crystal clear that you're right on this one, just try it once and back down for the sake of knowing it's not worth it sometimes. Cause as soon as Dad passed I was so grateful for every moment that I just let slide, and every moment that I didn't has clung to me with a sense of regret that I feel like I'm using the rest of my life and the rest of my decisions in order to redeem them.

I'll always be grateful that Dad was his finest, and lived most inspired in his most trying times, when he was physically his most feeble, frail, and weak. Words won't ever express that impact, and how much that set me up for the rest of my life. When we were younger, he's was the consummate provider, being a disciplinarian, he was not one for too much affection, and he exemplified his love through making sure we always had what we needed, but always exercising that luxury and excess was pointless, always stressing a humble type of living, and an absolute consciousness of your blessings and graces, and your duty to the less fortunate.

I know that there's a reason Dad made it to His and Mom's Anniversary, Mom's Bday, Ate's Bday, His Bday, Xmas, New Year, Kuya and I's bday party, and he passed the day before our bdays. Without a doubt he willed himself to make it, and left before our Bdays, cause he didn't wanna take any shine away from us or dampen the days, you the man Frank the Tank. I will always hold to the fact that his spirit outlived his body, and I the sharpest most moving memories I have of him were in those last days, when he had his greatest moments of clarity, and he recognized that what was most important in life.

2 days before he passed, he pulled me aside while he was lying in bed and said, "You know my dream was to inspire people, and if I can't go on, I want you, (looking at me) and I want you (looking at my brother) to finish it for me." That moment right there set me up for the rest of my life, and I feel like every decision I've had to make since then has been a no brainer as I base it off that moment, and I use it as my reference point for every big decision i make.

There's so much more I wanna say about Pop, but I'l leave it at this, and I'll just try my best to keep his legacy going on through the actions, decisions, and purpose of the rest of my life.

I can't say enough about the trials of this past year, but I can't stress enough how much I'm blessed. Thank you so much to every friend and family member, there's a ridiculous wave of brilliance, sincerity, and integrity that I'm surrounded by constantly, so I know, all i have to do is remember Dad's wisdom and follow all your examples, and I'm left without a drop of doubt that I'll be just fine on my journey.

If you've stuck it out to finish this, I made a track for Dad last year, a couple weeks after he passed. Check it out if you'd like, I have a little myspace music page, but I keep it more just as a place to hold some of the stuff I've been able to make.