!Empower!

Today we celebrated Dad's 1 year anniversary of passing, my bday, my brother's bday, and the remnants of time passing were clearly visible. Thanks to Lawry, for giving me some motivation with his blog post today.

When I was younger I remember every family party being a boisterous occasion, full of a raucous energy that took on a life of it's own when the collective synergy of our familial personalities settled in as the food was served. Whooping and Hollering, red faced overzealous laughter, cackles, high pitched squeals, tears, pounding on tables, the use of props, it was no holds barred in order to capture the laughs of your cousins, parents, siblings, aunts, and uncles.

But like clockwork, unbeknownst to me, year after year would past, and just like a movie montage where time passes, characters once present would slowly fade into the background, and it wasn't until this past Christmas, did I realize the accumulation of those years. No Dad, Uncle Bert was in the hospital after his 2nd heart valve tear, and some cousins went with other in laws. It felt counterfeit, I felt like I was cheated, there was no credit applied to my expectations of our hearty yearly traditions, just a distinct lacking, and a missing raucous energy nowhere to be found.

Today, I observed. In the year since Dad's been gone I feel like I've transformed into an expert observer, catching on to more than I'll ever let anyone know, and catching onto human subtleties, and nuances. It might come from the hermit like existence I took onto for the time I moved backed home, or the endless reflections I've had constantly about philosophy, life's meaning, my existence, and the purpose of everything within it's grand scheme since Dad's passed.

But Uncle Bert was able to make it, and he plopped down onto a chair in the living room, with a vacant stare, while the party commenced in the other room.

Next was Uncle Louie, who we had to rearrange cars in the driveway, just so we could get the car onto the driveway where we had to use his walker, then switch to his wheelchair to get him into the house. His wife Tita Minda first came in, and said, "I can't get into the driveway, so I'm just gonna leave Uncle Louie in the car and come inside for a minute and I won't stay long". But in her eyes it was obvious, I would love to stay and enjoy this gathering as they get fewer and farther between, but it's too much trouble to get Uncle Louie in the house, and I don't wanna burden anyone, so it's ok.

I knew in an instant, that Dad would have deemed this unacceptable, so we coordinated a switch of cars, and we slowly but surely got him into the party, and give him and Tita Minda a brief respite from the arduous cycle of cumbersome tasks that daily life has turned into.

I pulled in Uncle Louie and he was right next to Uncle Bert, both with their blank looks, slotted into their relegated positions, almost seeming compartmentalized from the rest of the party, just biding their time.

My instinct was to be sad, and feel for them, but I came to realize that this situation was not a case of them being forsaken, or forgotten, but nothing more than the remnants of time passed. Do they feel fulfilled? Are they satisfied with the life that they had lived? That's not a question for me to answer, but to me it was evident, time had passed, and eventually, my time will come as well.

The only thing I can make sure of is that I live a full, fulfilled, passionate life, and settling for nothing less, so that when I take my seat as Uncle Bert and Uncle Louie, I can only think of the blessings and learnings in store for my loved ones within the rest of their journeys. P.L.P