!Empower!

i was clearing out my old comp here at home for mom to use and I found some old writings that I wrote before i started my blog, really interesting to me now to see my mindset then and to track where i am with it now.

February 6, 2008 1:33 AM

I guess i am a idealistic dreamer, maybe hopeless at that. I see the world as a huge ball of clay, just waiting for someone to be the next to step up and be the one help mold a section into the vision of positivity and change that they might see fit. But what happens when you deep down know you posess those qualities but you feel that you are the one thing that doesnt fit? A lot of second guessing, a lot of discounting your own true feelings, an envy of others that rides the line of admiration and motivation, and the possible incompetence of yourself. But if anything it gives you if you a will a curve on which you work, seeing the heights of which one truly can attain, but also show you the fruits of complacency as you sit in your chair aimlessley surfing the internet filling your time with just enough you tube and facebook in that small block of time to keep you from being productive. Its harmless in the moment, but after thinking about it further, its basically the concept of a penny saved is a penny earned, but of course in this instance it works in the reverse. If i could recall each moment that i felt i had just one quality idea, line, or scene, yet i failed to write it down or record it out of simple ineptness and procrastination, i feel like i might already have enough material for that script that always seems to be a plan, but always fails to materialize.......

if im gonna make a difference, i want it to resound, i want it to crack previous thoughts of ignorance, i want it to make it impossible to feel indifferent on certain issues, I want to stand in front of a congregation and speak from the heart and i wanna know that whatever i say will inspire others and that i could speak with a freedom, of freedom of implied recklessness, but knowing that the heart and soul ive been able galvanize somewhat would never allow me to inspire negativity, or move others to act in a way benefitting self first. I want to pick up a fellow person and know that we stand on the same ground and even in some regard i stand below them hoping to be a passageway to restoring faith in common man and the belief that people are born good, and have the capability to recognize kindness in any circumstance and can make a concerted effort to perpetuate those gracious acts....