It's been a week since Dad passed, and I'm finishing up Dad's slideshow and picking out all the music for his viewing tomorrow and Tuesday. To be honest, I'm pretty damn nervous. I told Dad I'd be strong for Mom and the rest of the fam, but as the weeks gone along I just keep missing him more and more, and as much as I know he's not sad, and he's happier than he's ever been, it's the selfish human side of me that wants him back, even to just have one more conversation with him, equipped with all the insight and knowledge he taught me in his passing. Just to hear him say, "Ryan, you're such a big help to me", or "I love you son", "Ry", or just "Yeah, thats a good idea". After prayer tonight Tito Monch my dad's bro was worried he's gonna break down a bit tomorrow upon seeing Dad, and I reassured him that Dad looked even more peaceful when he passed then in his last few months sleeping when he would labor to rest. But then it worried me, what if I get caught, seeing Dad and feeling this rush of emotion and I can't hold back. But I know it'll be all in the natural course of things, and when I can get myself together, and just remember everything pop taught me, told me, and passed on to me, I'll be able to be that rock for others, and see the peace he's in, and share his message and keep his legacy going before giving in to my own emotions.
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