!Empower!

Well, there's so much i wanna write about so forgive the extent of this, but i'll try my best to slowly decmpress everything in a series of posts, not just one.

This week our family held Dad's two viewings on monday and tuesday, and the funeral was wednesday, with a reception after. With everything's that's gone on for the past week and a half, It's taken me a couple day of rest and contemplation and writing, to just get back from the complete mental and physical exhaustion that i felt a couple days ago.

Everyday since Dad's passing was one event after another, a prayer service everyday, scrambling to finalize all of dad's arrangements, constantly contemplating life and the indelible changes that have occurred and forever change your world, and life, speaking to everyone who was gracious to give their condolences. The one thing i would never have realized is how taking condolences can at times hurt you, in the aspect that, as time passes you're continuously trying to heal and deal with the harsh reality, but when you receive condolences you have to in away rehash the memory of everything thats played out, and relive that moment in order for you to share that connection of sympathy you are receiving from good willed folks.

On Monday, I thought before going to the wake, that my family and I had to somewhat come to a sense of peace about Dad's passing and believing in the higher purpose for which he had to leave cause his work here was done, and his spirit fought on harder than his body could.

But of course, when we got to the mortuary, I quickly realized nothing will ever prepare you for seeing a loved one in that setting, for me seeing dad there was a surreal intensity in a rush of emotion that swept over me and I had no power or control over my emotions for a good 10-15 mins. This time seeing Dad without his essence present, his love, his smile, his fight, his wisdom, his spirit, i saw that Dad had truly been sent upstairs to do his real work upstairs.

In spending time with Dad over the last 5 months, I realized a lot of what he taught me, and instilled in me, but in his passing, he left me a final gift that I could not have forseen.

Just think of the perception that you have your parents now. And how you're thankful for everything they've done, but in still you see them as your parents and hold that perspective. That's what it is was for me, I saw Dad as fighting while he was sick, trying to beat his cancer, and I saw him as brave. But once he passed, the outpouring of love, of true love, people talking to us seeming like a piece of them was missing, and sharing stories about our dad from a perspective that I never knew my Dad to be. He INSPIRED people, he MOVED people, he captivated, he made people laugh, and all this was something I somewhat knew already, but to the level of which he affected people and the Amount of people is what completely turned upside down my vision and perception of Dad. We reserved a chapel and we reserved an overflow chapel for the services with an expectant of about 175 visitors, but to see that night that both rooms filled and the mortuary was filled to the point of people waiting to the front door and having upwards of almost 300 people that first night literally left me in awe of the scope of effect my dad had. I picture him now as a friend, a motivator, confidante, counselor, man of faith, and a person who willingly accepted his fate and faced death straight up and said he was ready. to be cont.