!Empower!

Dad was feeling kinda weak sauce all day, so i scrapped plans of heading out to Palo Alto with the boys, and just stayed home to make sure he'd be alright. I was bummed i couldn't head out, but i got a nice little blessing in disguise i'd say. I figured i'd just keep working on makin some music, being productive, while hopefully givin pop a little piece of mind that i was around. I have no clue with anything piano and keyboard so i've been reading this little book "Play Piano in a Flash" that I got on clearance from Barnes and Noble, to help me learn a little and move me from totally incompetent about piano and the keys to just pretty much incompetent.

While reading there was a little passage that Scott Houston writes about how many jazz greats made their music through the mantra "less is more". Where everything doesn't need to be of the highest technical quality and is trying to impress the listener at every step. It's something i'm trying to balance being completely new to making beats. But I found this one little guitar rift and it struck a chord in me, and I added some drums to it, and a little effect, and it clicked. It really doesn't sound like too much is going on, but I connected to it, the pacing, the rift, the way it made my head bob, how it made me even bust a little shoulder shimmy, and the way it felt right to me all together. I'll add a couple more things but not change it too much for the most part. I decided that this was gonna be the first beat i've made that I'm gonna record on, and even started writing on it a bit. Here it is, hopefully it'll be a track in the next couple weeks!

i was just in a bit of an introspective mood, hence the last post, so I made this next little beat, still working on the whole thing, so here's a little. let me know what you think.

About an hour before its officially the day we give thanks, thanks for every blessing we've had bestowed upon us, thanks for the family, thanks for the life, and thanks for a perfect meal with all the trimmings, i'm here still thankful and grateful with the life I live, but still unsettled a bit and worrying about my pop's health.

We had to leave a fam party earlier tonight cause dad wasn't feeling to hot, havin some trouble breathing, feeling weak, and just wanted to sleep. In the past weeks, I feel like I might have come to complete terms with being home right now, and while it's not easy and sometimes a complete struggle, it's a struggle i've come at peace with. It's just the frustration and helplessness that trouble more so than anything. The fact that there's nothing humanly possible i can do for dad's health to improve, nothing i could sacrifice, and no act i could do to transfer his ailments into my body. It's seeing your dad, and seeing him fight on the daily, struggling through everday routine mundane tasks that require his concentration and focused energy; and how you just want for him to have one day full of smiles and vibrance, and hoping that today is the day that when you ask,"Hey dad how you feeling today?" that follows a proclamation of, "Son I feel good today". It's wanting dad to be feeling strong on his bday next week, and battling to see Manny Pacquiao fight again, and see another Christmas to share with the fam.

It's seeing subtle physical changes to his body and face daily, and fighting the thought that there's a chance that his health might be deteriorating, and once again there's nothing you can do but pray and keep the faith strong. It's worrying about mom, dad's unquestioned centerpiece and rock in life, and seeing her work at a fever pitch to support the family, working, cooking, doing chores, bringing dad to appointments, seeing her exhausted, falling asleep late nights in the middle of her prayers, still seated upright with rosary in hand, and a dim light still switched on. I worry if what we fear happens. It's wanting to make plans for future and for myself but knowing at this point it's just way too selfish, so i have to put plans on hold.

I feel as sometimes, this solitude at home, and time to reflect, isolates me, as I really just want someone to be able to relate to and share these experiences. I understand fully that most of my friends are cognisant of what's going on, but also in that, i feel like some don't understand, to which i don't fault them, as I don't wanna burden them with my struggles. I see that this is my journey, and I need to continue to live positively and focus on the things that are within my scope to change and affect, and be an example to others, trying to attain for those causes in which i wish to change the world, and still be able to handle my most internal conflicts without losing a sense of thanks, gratitude, and yup, positivity.

But regardless, I see every single lesson, every single necessary aspect of myself that I needed to work on to build more balance in my life, I see the focus now I never thought I might be able to achieve before, and I see that true friends really are never far regardless of physical location. I've seen the effect on a parent knowing that their child's presence is around in their home, and it took 25 years, but i see just how much my family means to me. I've seen the power of losing your own insecurity and disbelief in yourself, and believing and relying on yourself to learn new things, strive towards goals, and inching toward dreams, without the dependancy of others, only on your thirst for it to happen, and it's something I believe one hundred percent that lies within every person.

I also see that this topsy turvy roller coaster ride of life balances itself all out to give you perspective on life, and really lets you realiza what really is important and meaningful in life, and shows you truly how blessed you are. So for that, on this Thanksgiving, I can only be Givingthanks. Thankyou!Peace!EnjoyyourLovedones!

I know a lot of you have prob already heard of Passion, a singer/songwriter, but I just gotta rep for him one more time, just in case you haven't heard of him, cause this man right here possesses about 3 to 4 hundred times the talent I do,he's got too much soul for his own good! so enjoy!

Been awhile since i've just done a free write and just kinda let it rip, without trying to decompress and analyze everything, and I think every once in a while that's necessary for the soul, to release your thoughts as they come out through instinct and what feels natural within your stream of consciousness and train of thought. some of it will seem out of place or random, but im just going through of bunch of diff ideas in my head so that's why it'll be funky in spots. The mood music for writing i chose was Another Reflection by the one and only Nujabes.

comin to that time
when the pressures blowin back
beggin me to free my mind
realizing the blueprints inclined
to fit together presented clue by clue
yielding the facts whether or not you thought them to be true
it's a conflict
a time to follow the vision that could allow me to chine,
but i need to hold back,
for the man who might be living on borrowed time,
God and fam first, and the rest can come after,
comin from a man who only in his latter stages found the power of laughter
but i reside in this chapter, not torn between a decision
but torn because of the guilt of a wish to wanna follow my vision
ride it to the top and overlook the summit,
but without the peace of mind my soul would plummet
so i search for the ways to display,
gifts from God, that im determined never to waste,
displace the doubt,
and disengage from the crowd,
the life of chillin, a life a little too care free,
not losing my manner, optimism, or the child like wonder
its securing my plan so that the rug doesnt get pulled from under,
trying day by day to roll with punches, fate's path
settin me into motion, fighting to believe in the notion
that everything happens for a reason
but i know that path is to one day lead em
lead em from a self imposed prison,
lead em to the way where mistakes equal wisdom,
lead em to the place where rain gives way to prisms,
where a beaten down soul can take all they're givin
and still find the resillience to be driven,
the means? Im not sure,
but i guess its baby steps,
steppin towards disregardin rep
and more towards the forward then recollecting regrets
all in a day to which my mind wanders,
its in between contemplation and what it means to ponder
the possibilities and endless i know are waiting for me
and it allows me to fulfill my familial duty graciously.
In any other time this would be a low in my life,
but just lucky enough to see the tunnel in the distance
and I know through the passage leads to where the soul re-ups
but til then I'll be here preparin waiting for my train to pick me up
never thought i'd reach this level of independance,
even in a sense sequestered into solitude
loud to the multitudes and the crowd, only seems like faint remnants
as the reflections showed myself the side of a solemn dude,
its all about to accrue
experience to balance,
balance leads to different shades to color every graphic
combine it with the talents, to create a masterpiece everlasting.

Here's episode two of Pacquiao-DelaHoya 24/7 on HBO. I love how they pumped up the fight with these dramatic shots and perfectly cued music. The ending montage with both fighters training with Eminem's "Till I Collapse" in the background is about as good as it gets in regards to hyping up a fight, man this ish is gon be crazy...gets my adrenaline going just writing this up!!!

I added a another section at the end, still not done but here's the progress so far.

So I got some new refills for Reason, and I made this next loop, using an upright bass and sax sample, and some drums. The bass has a crackle in it, but I'll fix that, take a listen and let me know what you think, as I could use all the help and feedback as i'm trying to learn this program.Cheers.

So i got a new refill pack of samples for the music program Reason and I've been stuck to my comp for the past 5 hours just messing around with everything, and eventually i tried to make a little drum and bass loop. Once again just like my other loops, it's all unpolished, unfinished, very bare, and very newbish, as I am yup, you guessed it, a newb with music as far as production, and still have multitudes upon multitudes to learn, but i never ever thought i could even try to make something like this but i was able to, so i'm thankful for that.

I don't know if you guys who use blogger, use google analytics, where you can see your stats as far as your hits on your blog and the geography of them, but going over the stats to me is a bit of a trip. You get hits from around the world, from random spots that you don't know anybody from. It's dope though to think that in those mere seconds when someone you don't semi-gives a little about what you have to say, and I think just knowing that does way more for me, confidence and motivation wise than that person on the other end could ever understand, even if you just looked at it for 3 seconds, and was like, "man this dude's an idiot", guess what, I would never know! and i'd still get the motivation to write more by knowing someone just visited. But anyways kind of a pointless entry but just was thinking about that. And yeah, if your from another country, or state, and i don't have the pleasure of knowing ya, drop me a line and complete the connection! -PEACE!

I was just thinking a bit today again what I wanna do with my life and how my dream of honestly and simply changing the world, use to seem so far off, and cliche, and a bit too dreamer. But in the things I have learned in the past months, I see now more than ever anything our generation chooses to believe and act upon can be done, it's no longer a time when having a grand vision will only stay that. With Barack Obama coming in, i truly feel in my heart of hearts that it it in a way a changing of the guard, a passing of the torch to a new generation, and subscribing to a new and optimistic way of thinking. I believe the haven for big thinking and idealistic living will be supported more and more, and I can see the linings of that change coming.

Simply taking into account the vast leaps and bounds technology has taken in the past decade, the options and avenues for one to find themself a niche and passion has multiplied exponentially. It's no longer the days of mom and pop's generation, where you had a few sectors of occupations you could go into, and be considered "successful" or "safe and stable". If there's something you love out there, and you're willing to chase it, there are people out there that feel the sames, and technology these days allows you to find and connect to those people. It's out there, and I believe the time is now. As an interview in New Zealand conveyed to me once,

You just have to project yourself out to the universe with positivity, and projecting your actions towards the causes you believe in and are passionate about. In doing so, you create a cycle that builds and builds upon itself with the seeds you are planting, and in the end it will come back to repay you.

So if you have something, give it a go, and at least at the end of the day be able to know that you didn't do something because you tried and you realized it wasn't for you, but who knows you might even find the passion and cause worth dedicating a lifetime to.

A quote I look at a lot when I've got doubts about what I'm doing and pursuing. Jhus wrote this to me awhile back, you may have also heard some of it in Coach Carter.

Oh man, this is it right here. The Manny Pacquiao/Oscar DelaHoya Fight is coming up on Dec.6, and this is gonna be huge. As a die hard sports fan, a Manny Pacquiao fight by far, easily, over the Warriors winning a championship, the Niners winning a superbowl, and the A's winning the World Series, is what I live for in sports. Nothing gets me more pumped up, inspired, nervous, jumpy, and proud than a PacMan fight. It's so crazy that when I look at him, and I see what he means and represents for me, that it feels very personal, but there are a hundred other million people in the Philippines that probably feel even feel it deeper than I do, as he carries a nation on his shoulders. Literally crime rates in the Philippines come to a grinding halt, the abu sayef rebels, and Philippine armed forced call a cease fire, when PacMan fights. That still blows my mind to this day, how he has transcended sport and has affected his country and dedicates his life to his people, and he will change the face of the Philippines in a major way in his lifetime. So combine that with the fact that people are calling this a mismatch with him having spent all of his career at such a lightweight in comparison with DelaHoya, and the history the two share, its shaping up to have a David vs. Goliath storyline.....I'm rollin with David!


So check out the first episode of HBO's documentary series 24/7 that documents both fighters training camps and lives leading up to the fight, it's well shot and creates intriguing story lines, ENJOY!

Hey guys,

Check out my first couple loops, I'm completely a newb and have so much to learn but i guess i was just excited to create something that actually resembles a beat and a loop. It's not gonna blow your mind or anything, it'll prob underwhelm you, but it's all part of the process. When i first opened up reason and had my keyboard, it all looked like ancient hieroglyph to me, but I tried my best to learn a little on the go, so check it out, and I will def. def. keep working and learning and trying to improve. Thanks to everyone for the encouragement to not be afraid to venture into something new even though I knew nothing about it and still don't pretty much, but here's to learning and improving! Cheers-Ray

I'm officially hanging up the mic after watching this cat.

I've been home now for about 2 and a half months, and more i think back to the way of life and the days of living in Irvine, the more I feel like i've sat in the Star Tours ride and been jetted off at Mach 5 into the present day, and the days of that mindset and specific oblivion is long gone.

After talking with a bunch of friends, I see that moving back home happens either at a point when something beyond your control happens and that responsibility to it must be fulfilled, or you come to a realization that this wondrous phase of your life would be better served as a period of powerful time in your life that will motivate and launch pad you into the next journey of life that will come to see your growth into a full and complete compassionate person come to fruition. I see it more and more these days, and the more i see that, the less i fight the want to move back down south, and I see that it truly might be the end of that particular chapter in my life. Granted, the people involved and influential in my life will always be a part of me and I will carry with them along with me as I grow and use the lessons they've taught me as the gifts i will impart on others as a way to pay it forward for in honor of all you who have taught me something, made me realize anything, and impacted me in any regard.

On the other hand living at home, you also see the power in your friends love and care for you. In those first couple weeks and month or so at home keeping in contact with all of you helped me figure out my doubts, get through my weaknesses and find a little light at the end of the tunnel for some of my insecurities. Just visiting last week was enough to give me a sense of contentment that still presides me as i write this in the moment. In that i see not only am I growing into this stage, but also as long as I keep in contact with you guys I won't and can't lose that optimism and a charge of positivity, and the ability to focus on the truly meaningful things in life.

Living at home also to me, is like a constant practice in self reflection. I almost feel like, sorry if this doesn't make sense, but at times I feel like I am my own best friend and confidant. I feel like I have so much inner conversation and reflection and that I go back and forth on my ideals, values, and thought processes, and I examine much more closely since I spend more of my time independently. But it's def not a bad thing, and I feel like the more i question things and come to a conclusion for them the more I can cement certain aspects of myself and carry them proudly.

Another thing too, is wow, the productivity rate at home is pretty fantabulous. I def know if i stayed back in Irvine/Costa Mesa, I would not have had the chance to learn some of the things about music, my fam, my friends, myself, and also come to peace with many things i left unsettled here. I guess I also live with a bit of a chip on my shoulder. part of me is determined to not let this experience pass without showing myself it made me stronger, and it's a chance for me to shoot for my own personal stars being under the radar in anonimity, having my head down chugging away inch by inch til i reach certain vision quests.

So i look forward to all my visits down south and get that breath of fresh air, and atmosphere of comfortability that will never change regardless of how long the periods of time in between our encounters.

first time in my life ANYTHING has brought tears of joys to my eyes, my mind is just racing with all the possibilities the future holds, with this victory so significant and so powerful and so inspiring...I had to just put this in here to mark this HISTORY!

just a few words about the visit back down south this weekend. It meant more to me than any of those people i visited will know, THANK YOU!

Hello my friends
food for my soul
never skipped a beat a captivating pseudo-boredom,
within it lies captivation & heart strings
comfort in the companionship
realization of the humbling abundance of love that surrounds
therapy for souls filled with angst
astonishingly and astoundingly entertaining
in the same regard so wonderfully simple
relaxation and decompression
came with the carefree to catch-up
left with a purpose
the aura they create providing a tangible lift in energy and spirit
only ever felt in that presence
reaching highs almost foreign from my absence
left with a melody lined with melancholy drear
draped in contemplation
uncovered to be learning and maturation veiled as insecurities
responsibility calls, time to answer
immeasurable thanks
you all recharged my batteries
food for my soul
til i see you again
Goodbye my friends

It was a most excellent weekend and I'm glad that Pep got a chance too to see the vibe, and to see Errol more vibrant than I've ever seen him, and looking damn good, fully acclimated down south!

soooo many highlights from the weekend...just a few
-Thurs night arrival, and going right back into pass out mode
-5$ Chaya Teriyaki
-Omar and Kenny chill spot in the room
-FIFA!
-Watching the Warriors w/ GSW Fans down south
-Berty being Buster of the Week! it was hilarious!
-HARDFEST! It was Daft Punk to me for that hour, til we found out it was DJ AM
-Justice, Deadmau5
-Bus ride to and from
-Mike Song ridiculous light show
-talkin to Big Jeremy bout makin a move to Hawaii, he's gonna do big things!
-impromptu 4 on 4 bball 5 game series
-Just seeing and feeling everyone's positive mother freakin energy!
-bowling
-high risk high reward food choice at Mitsuwa, but no reward!
-Big Boys Club 4 team league
-Texas Tech vs. Texas - IMMORRRTTAAALLLITTTY!
-The multiple multiple multiple sessions with everyone
-Poker
-Seeing the sun come up after HARDfest with the homies in J-Dot's room
-Being together for about 80 hours straight
-reminiscing about everything
-Swirls and Belle and Omar's dirty mouth stories
-talking to all of you and reminding me of why i miss that place so DAMN much...

peep some of the pictures of the weekend