!Empower!

About an hour before its officially the day we give thanks, thanks for every blessing we've had bestowed upon us, thanks for the family, thanks for the life, and thanks for a perfect meal with all the trimmings, i'm here still thankful and grateful with the life I live, but still unsettled a bit and worrying about my pop's health.

We had to leave a fam party earlier tonight cause dad wasn't feeling to hot, havin some trouble breathing, feeling weak, and just wanted to sleep. In the past weeks, I feel like I might have come to complete terms with being home right now, and while it's not easy and sometimes a complete struggle, it's a struggle i've come at peace with. It's just the frustration and helplessness that trouble more so than anything. The fact that there's nothing humanly possible i can do for dad's health to improve, nothing i could sacrifice, and no act i could do to transfer his ailments into my body. It's seeing your dad, and seeing him fight on the daily, struggling through everday routine mundane tasks that require his concentration and focused energy; and how you just want for him to have one day full of smiles and vibrance, and hoping that today is the day that when you ask,"Hey dad how you feeling today?" that follows a proclamation of, "Son I feel good today". It's wanting dad to be feeling strong on his bday next week, and battling to see Manny Pacquiao fight again, and see another Christmas to share with the fam.

It's seeing subtle physical changes to his body and face daily, and fighting the thought that there's a chance that his health might be deteriorating, and once again there's nothing you can do but pray and keep the faith strong. It's worrying about mom, dad's unquestioned centerpiece and rock in life, and seeing her work at a fever pitch to support the family, working, cooking, doing chores, bringing dad to appointments, seeing her exhausted, falling asleep late nights in the middle of her prayers, still seated upright with rosary in hand, and a dim light still switched on. I worry if what we fear happens. It's wanting to make plans for future and for myself but knowing at this point it's just way too selfish, so i have to put plans on hold.

I feel as sometimes, this solitude at home, and time to reflect, isolates me, as I really just want someone to be able to relate to and share these experiences. I understand fully that most of my friends are cognisant of what's going on, but also in that, i feel like some don't understand, to which i don't fault them, as I don't wanna burden them with my struggles. I see that this is my journey, and I need to continue to live positively and focus on the things that are within my scope to change and affect, and be an example to others, trying to attain for those causes in which i wish to change the world, and still be able to handle my most internal conflicts without losing a sense of thanks, gratitude, and yup, positivity.

But regardless, I see every single lesson, every single necessary aspect of myself that I needed to work on to build more balance in my life, I see the focus now I never thought I might be able to achieve before, and I see that true friends really are never far regardless of physical location. I've seen the effect on a parent knowing that their child's presence is around in their home, and it took 25 years, but i see just how much my family means to me. I've seen the power of losing your own insecurity and disbelief in yourself, and believing and relying on yourself to learn new things, strive towards goals, and inching toward dreams, without the dependancy of others, only on your thirst for it to happen, and it's something I believe one hundred percent that lies within every person.

I also see that this topsy turvy roller coaster ride of life balances itself all out to give you perspective on life, and really lets you realiza what really is important and meaningful in life, and shows you truly how blessed you are. So for that, on this Thanksgiving, I can only be Givingthanks. Thankyou!Peace!EnjoyyourLovedones!