!Empower!

I was talking to mom last night, just talking to her checking on how she's been doing, and she started getting into how she wants more for me, and that life on the road is hard and that I'm exposed to danger, and that she wants me to have more financial stability in what I do. I started getting frustrated and I tried my best to explain to her that this is what I love doing, and that the whole road trip and the culture and mission of RTN is a true movement I wanna be a part of and something that not only brings me fulfillment, but it's the first true job that has a given me an engrained sense of purpose, and a meaning to my existence. I just had to realize at the end of it that Mom's concerns came from a well intended place, and that she want's me to be happy regardless, she would just prefer that it would happen through that which she defines as success. I felt the burden of constantly having to justify what i want to do all coming back, but I had to let her know that after God, and family, my mom and I differ, differ on what I find success to be and what I place importance on in my life. I tried to explain it to her without making her feel as though her advice was unwanted. I think we got off the phone with an I love you, but nonetheless at somewhat of an impasse.

Then Dad came to visit me last night in a dream in an amazing show of reassurance

In the dream, it just jumped into this scene where we saw Dad, picked him up, and decided we needed to get him back to Holy Angels(the mortuary) for some reason, and so ate started driving in a hurry, with mom in the front seat, while kuya and willa were inside the store shopping for groceries.

I was sitting in the backseat with Dad and he was dressed in a completely white suit, just like the one he married mom in, and he looked healthy in the face as he did before he got sick, and it's crazy because he looked just as the way that multiple people who have said they've had visions of Dad described him to be, right to the T.

But as we drove Dad was worried, he was fidgetting with his suit, and kept constantly giving us words of advice, to make sure we'd be ok, and I kept trying to reassure him and telling him not to worry, and that we would take care of it all. Then he asked me, "Did you get that Roadtrip Nation job?" I told him, "yeah Dad I got it, I got it". At that point his worries dissolved he went into an overwhelming loss of words he stood up and he told me to hug him and give him a kiss, and I could just feel his love in that hug, and I started sobbing and crying uncontrollably, the most real emotion I've ever felt in any dream, and then it faded out and I woke up and there were already tears that had been running down my face while i was still sleeping.

I've never had an experience like that, so powerful, so tangible in a dream, where the tears actually spilled over into my real ones, and I know it was Dad reassuring me what I am doing and what I want to be doing is the right thing, and he gives me his approval. Ever since I got the email from Jason for the roadie position, I knew it was Dad, hookin me up, letting me know that I had done my service to him by coming him and that he was setting me up to walk down my path in life now. i know he's here every step of the way.

9:14/11:14am 3/25/09