Being away from home, and hitting the road, has lead me to once again to search for what it is that drives me in my life, and to find my ultimate purpose in the life that I'm leading. I have focused on what it is I need to attain, what I hope to attain and how I need to get there. But somewhere along the road I lost my a little. In the regard that I started focusing on me way too much. I forgot to a certain degree back at home, Mom is still there dealing with greatest loss, living with ate, but alone most of the time. I started focusing on what I wanted but couldn't have, I started focusing on the lost opportunities, and I started focusing on the things out of my control a bit too much. I started to partly view myself as a victim, a victim of unfair circumstances. All of a sudden for a portion of the road, I lost a bit of the positivity that has guided me through life. I saw it unfair that the things I wanted and used to be a part of, I could no longer be, because the course of events in my life have changed me whether or not I try to control them, With those changes, comes a chain reaction of changes in all my relationships, priorities, my passions, and my interests. It's been so hard to deal with that transition on the road, and changes that have been forced upon.
Coming back and being able to decompress a bit from such an intense experience, I've had a bit of time gather my thoughts and self much more assuredly. I think what has really put me back in my place was watching Dad's slide show today. I just get taken aback watching it, and can't help but shed some tears for Dad's courage in the face of the physical end for him. I watch it, and it just staggers me to see that as the pictures progress and Dad loses weight and the cancer progresses, so does his smile. It just gets bigger and bigger, and more and more genuine. His true appreciation for the "circumstance" he was put in, as it served him a true avenue to really inspire people, and reach that apex of purpose he was searching in his lifetime.
He understood that his cancer was his blessing.
I know that he knew he had completed what he needed to here, and that he was ready for the next step. I'm just glad he left the perfect example for me to follow.
I'm realizing certain things. I'm realizing that the things I need to let go of, and let just be right now, is not because of I am a victim of unfortunate circumstances beyond my control, but I'm blessed to be put in certain situations that's gonna challenge me to strive higher than my own personal wants, and needs. I would love to have them, but as each day passes I know I need not to fight it, and get back into the groove of only controlling on what I can and only focus on that. And focus on that cliche goal that I have every intent of fulfilling for God, my family, my friends, and people in general, I'm gonna be the instrument that I'm supposed to be, and I'm gonna change the world.
Dad's smile pre-cancer
A little taste of that million dollar smile post cancer!
awhile back i blogged about being stuck in kansas in the middle of a snowstorm and Junior our RV being broke down. During the day of being stuck, we had to move the rv or either be towed or fined, so we tried pushing it in the snow, when a family came to help us push it. For me it was a show of hospitality and care from friendly midwesterners, and helped shape my fondnest for the midwest, against the preconceived notions I had about it before the trip. But check out this email from the family that helped us push the RV, ridonkulous, we had no idea. Amazing the connections you can make out on the road, and it's great to be back in Costa Mesa, let the madness begin!
Anyone wanna play? lemme know, its a turn based game exactly with Risk rules but with different maps you can play. It's an invite style game, and I'm looking for friends to play with so if you're down to play, it goes one turn at a time, so it's not that time consuming unless you start inviting a bunch of folks and are simultaneously playing in 30 games, even then it's still worth it! Lemme know if you're down!
so I must start the build up now. the fight is coming, and fight upcoming or not, MannyPacquiao.ph is about as regular a site i visit as espn.com, yahoo, cnn, hotmail, so I gotta start my pre fight blogging on the man. But check out this promo shoot with the Pacman, as they try to shoot a tough guy ad promo for the fight, and listen in at :40 of the video to hear Pacman doing his best surfer dude. I love seeing how nice of a guy and harmless he seems, but knowing he is COOOOOOOLDDDDD BLOOOOOOOODED in the ring.
Portland is a vintage shoppers eutopia. Cruise down Hawthorne and you'll get all the vintage shopping you can handle, as many of the shops are consignment so each shop is packed with hella different types of things, odds, ends, and sick sick clothing. I also got to eat dinner with my cuz Anton at Shanghai Tunnel, where people used to be taken into tunnels and made to work as slaves, supposedly the 9th most haunted place in the states, but great peanut noodle bowls with chicken nonetheless. Also, we went to Voodoo doughnut where, one of my heroes Man Vs. Food's Adam Richman stopped by, so I had to follow in his footsteps and enjoy a dozen for myself! See if you can guess which one is the blazer blunt doughnut! 
A remix of Atmosphere's Pride's Paranoia by Futureshock and the dope dope video to go along with it. Just never thought I'd ever hear or see Atmosphere's stuff portrayed this way, but I'm def diggin it!
On the road i've been trying to be proactive about keeping focused on the music/writing/beats grind of creating as much as possible. So with the road trip about to wind down, I started searching Craigslist for possible emcees and producers to work with. I came across Evan, a producer from Costa mesa, who makes beats and is down to bust flows. So I hit him up and had check out my myspace music. I didn't hear back from him for a couple days, so I just figured, oh well, not a fit, all gravy we'll move on to the next thing. But he hit me back about a couple days ago, and told me he dug my stuff, and he was definitely down to work some stuff.
So I Evan up on AIM, and I told him about the equipment that the boys back at home have as far a korg, an Akai drum machine, and Omar's new MPC, but told him that we really don't have the ability to record just yet. That's exactly where he fits in perfectly, cause he has all the production equipment and the ability to record as well. We now have another possible emcee to freestyle with and another producer to get us pumpin music and get the creative process flowing even more than ever. Can't wait to get back, and start this all up. Here's to self expression, CHEERS!
Check out Evan's Beats on the link here. That Food
While Mom, Ate, Kuya, Willa, all spent Easter together today and went to the family party, I went to Easter mass @ St. James Cathedral in Seattle. Going into the huge cathedral I was really able to contemplate and find that inner peace, and center myself and really start gearing up for the big push once I get back. I was able to analyze what's important to me, and what in my life holds me important, and I need to give those passions/loved ones that in return. While I was in my head two things caught my ear while I was in contemplation that completely felt like words God and Dad were speaking to me in order for me to step up my game in life.
First I heard the priest say, "It's not about avoiding conflict, It's about bulding bridges and connecting to those who we don't understand or do not get along with."
Right after he said, "It's not about being passively tranquil, It's about an active service and love to others."
The first was important to me in that, on this roadtrip some of us have had issues with us to say the least, but I've learned on this trip because of those issues, that in life I can't just avoid conflict and disagreements for the sake of harmony, as I've experienced that with my own interests falling by the wayside and disregarded. I've also learned that when I disagree with someone I can't just disregard the other person but I have to make that effort to understand why we have those differences and where they stem from, and it's up to me to build that bridge and extend a hand. I used that concept just tonight in a tense moment on the RV tonight, and it worked like clockwork, and made me feel as though I had a breakthrough with one of my fellow roadies. The second was important in that, I feel like in life, though I sit back and to love to observe life, I haven't contributed enough, and have been content to sit back and tell myself i'm ok since I haven't been causing any trouble, but I've realized I've been equipped with gifts, and blessed from the big guy upstairs with tools to help folks, and be a change in this world, and it's time I start steppin it up, and not always just fulfilling m\y own interests, and being fueled in life strictly by those.
After church I met up with the team and we spent Easter around Seattle, and visited this crazy looking wall with gum all over it, peep it. Also, I've finalized the ink I'll be getting, only I'm not sure if I'll be getting it done here on the road, or wait til I get back. Til the next entry, Peace.
So we finally hit Seattle, and I can't describe how good it feels to be back on the west coast, and back into a bit of familiarity. It was a dope day walking around town, and brought back some memories for me, as it was the last place Dad got to travel to, and had memories with Dad about our trip to Seattle when I was younger when we visited the Pike Street Market. It was a good dose of reality and reflection on such a monumentous trip. But also, when we were walking downtown, we ran into the Sakura Con Anime Convention, and hundreds of people were dressed up in costume, and it was pretty sick to just walk around and take photos and be surrounded by all these characters. They are the definition doing what they think is dope and rocking it hard regardless of what other people think, especially with many of them walking downtown, and getting stares at, my heroes right here!
